


If You Love Me Let Me Go

by sunshine_disaster



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Hospitalization, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:08:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_disaster/pseuds/sunshine_disaster
Summary: He doesn't want to wake up. ("I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all")





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This never actually states that this is about Klaus, but he's who I was thinking about when i wrote it.

A little boy sat all alone. A small blade lay discarded on the counter, little drops of blood fell off his arm, and he watched as more flooded down his thigh.

It was well past midnight but the boy knew better than to assume he was alone. He was never alone in this house. Someone was always watching. They weren’t going to help him, of course they weren’t. There just wanted to watch. They wanted to see how he handled the stress they put on him. How he coped. I bet they’re happy, don’t you? To see what’s become of their little experiment.

He shoved three pills down his throat and sat down on the tile flooring of the bathroom, leaning against the cabinets. His head felt fuzzy, but he couldn’t tell if that was from the pills or the blood loss he was experiencing. He didn’t mind the feeling of the blood running down his shredded arm, nor his legs. He kind of minded the feeling of the wood digging into his back, but he wasn’t going to move anytime soon.

If it were up to him, he’d never move again. He’d just fall asleep in that one spot, and never wake up again. But he knew sooner or later he’d be caught, probably taken back to bed and someone would bandage his cuts. But for now he closed his eyes, and let his dreams take over his world. Hoping, praying, that he wouldn’t wake up come morning.


	2. Chapter 2

It was nearly 2 AM when Diego stumbled into the bathroom, still half asleep. The door had been cracked, which, in his sleep addled mind, meant no one was in there. It took him a few moments to register the sight in front of him; His brother lying on the floor, having fallen from his position resting against the cabinets. A pool of blood sat around him, but it didn’t seem like he was still bleeding much, which seemed good in the eyes of the still very tired hero.   
Though tired, seeing Klaus in this state did wake Diego up fairly quickly. He rushed to find a towel and put pressure on his brother’s wrist, where it seemed most of the blood had come from (while he wasn’t bleeding much, he was still bleeding). He didn’t have his phone in his pocket, because who takes their phone with them to their 2 AM pee sessions?   
“Allison?!” Allison’s room was closest to the bathroom, so he figured yelling her name would be the most useful.   
He was proved right when he heard Allison’s light footsteps running toward the bathroom, “Call 911!” he shouted again, not waiting to see her or let her ask questions, “Please, Klaus is hurt.”   
He had two fingers on Klaus’ pulse, which was not very strong and it was only a matter of time before it stopped. He could hear Allison coming back, talking on the phone, she didn’t know what was happening but if you heard how Diego had spoken, you’d have done the same without question.   
Her voice cracked when she finally saw Diego’s hands covered in blood, and Klaus much more pale than he usually was. Which is really saying something, considering that boy could give the ghosts a run for their money when it came to pale colors.   
“What happened?” she asked, before shaking her head at her own stupid question.   
“Can you please just help me? He’s breathing, but barely. I think he took something too, but I’m not positive.” Diego’s speech was rushed, like he was just trying to cover all his bases before the ambulance got there.   
“Calm down, make sure you keep breathing.” Allison’s reassuring voice cut in. Even as a teenager, she had a way of making anyone feel better with just her voice (well duh).   
The ambulance’s sirens cut Diego off before he even got another chance to speak. I guess being to kids of a billionaire really does have its perks, huh?  
The EMT’s worked quickly on getting Klaus in the ambulance, and Allison’s rumoring made it so they wouldn’t try to speak to their father. Diego rode with Klaus, he refused to leave his side so, really, the EMT’s had no choice but to let him. They did, however, have to get him to sit in the waiting room so they could make sure Klaus got everything he needed.   
Diego understood, of course, that he couldn’t stay with Klaus. He’d been sat in way too many waiting rooms, waiting and praying his siblings came out okay.   
Their mom took care of most of their problems, but sometimes, when they were in the middle of a mission, they didn’t have time to get home. 

Allison stayed home to make sure that no one thought it was strange that Diego and Klaus weren’t there in the morning. Diego figured they shouldn’t bring attention to it without Klaus’ knowledge, even though they were all family. They were only about a week away from being 18, so in all honesty it shouldn’t make much difference. It was up to Klaus in Diego’s eyes, and that is all that matters.  
Klaus had confided in Diego earlier that year that as soon as they turned 18, he wanted Diego to be his medical proxy. He didn’t trust their father, and Ben was dead, so that left Diego, the only other person he was close to in their family.   
Diego knew that technically it wasn’t legal yet. They weren’t 18, and neither one of them had signed the papers. Though, Allison could probably convince the doctors and everyone else that it was fine as soon as she came down to visit. Assuming, of course, that she came to visit. She could drive, so it shouldn’t really be a problem. Unless dad, or Luther, got in the way, in which case it would be a very big problem. 

Diego sat in the waiting room until a doctor came out and told him he could go see his brother. He was given a room number, and then the doctor rushed off to go attend to other doctorly activities. Who knows, Diego certainly didn’t.  
Diego made his way to Klaus’ room. He was in the ICU, which made sense. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he walked, unsure if he actually wanted to see Klaus in this condition or not.   
Klaus laid on the uncomfortable hospital bed unconscious. Diego almost forgot to breath (not that he had to) when he saw how bad he looked. He was even paler than he had been before, if that was possible, and he looked like he was struggling to breath on his own. There was an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth, and an IV in his arm. His arms were bandaged tightly, and Diego couldn’t see it through the blankets but he assumed his legs were too.   
The doctor who came out to talk to him mentioned how they’d done a blood transfusion due to the severe amount of blood he’d lost, but there really should be no need to worry. They hadn’t pumped his stomach, though they gave him something that should work to cancel the drugs he’d taken out and drain them out of his system.   
The raspy breathing of Klaus brought Diego back from his thoughts, and he made his way to the side of the bed. He reached out slowly to touch his hand, recoiling almost immediately. Klaus always ran cold, but he was much colder than usual, the feeling sent a shock through Diego.

Diego fell asleep in the chair next to Klaus’ bed, he figured there wasn’t much chance he was going to wake up anytime soon, and he hadn’t really slept the night before, so it can’t hurt to take a nap. (Just for the record: It did hurt, it hurt a lot.)  
The sound of sobbing brought Diego back from his nightmare, and he jolted upright at the sound. Klaus was sitting up on the bed, crying his eyes out. The oxygen mask hung around his neck, and he was wheezing badly, but he was just crying.   
“Hey… Hey, buddy.” Diego spoke softly, standing.   
Klaus looked like he hadn’t even noticed he was there until that moment. It looked to Diego that he’d just woken up maybe two minutes prior. There was no way he’d have slept through a bunch of doctors walking through the room, so it had to have been recently. Though, his watch told him he’d slept for nearly ten hours so who knows, really.   
“Why didn’t you let me die?” Klaus asked quietly between sobs, “Why didn’t you leave me there?”   
Diego’s stomach dropped as soon as he heard the question. He knew there was a chance it had been Klaus’ intention, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself or anyone else.   
“I… I couldn’t let you die, Klaus…” he mumbled, “why would you want to? I mean, I get it, this life sucks but…” he didn’t finish his question, not sure how to phrase what he wanted to know.  
Klaus wiped at his eyes harshly, still wheezing as he was still not getting proper oxygen. He had always had health issues, which just got worse as his drug issues got worse. But right now the most apparent was asthma.   
“Dad’s constantly throwing me in that… that place! I’m useless on missions, but still I need to get stronger. I’m not good enough in Dad’s eyes, I never was. I’m too weak. I can barely sleep because of the damn nightmares. And there’s ghosts constantly following me around. Why would you want me to have to keep going through that? I don’t have anything to live for, Di.”   
“At the very least, you have me. Lay down, we can talk about this later, but for now you need rest.” Diego’s voice was steady, but full of faux confidence. He definitely didn’t know what he was going to do, but if he had to, he’d do anything to make sure his brother was okay. Klaus was his best friend, his only friend since Ben died.  
He made a step forward, moving to put the mask back on his brother properly. He knew they needed to talk, but they were going to wait until Klaus was at least well enough to breathe without help.


	3. Chapter 3

Klaus was in the hospital for close to a week. Diego only left his side once, which was to go home and get new clothes for the both of them, and he’d gone in the middle of the night so he wouldn’t be caught.  
Allison ended up slipping and telling Luther where Diego and Klaus were, and Luther, in turn, told Dad, who in turn demanded they come home (even after being told Klaus was nowhere near well enough to be discharged). Diego didn’t even tell Klaus about it, though he did tell their father that as soon as Klaus was able to leave healthily, they were packing their bags and leaving.  
Klaus outright refused to be put in the psych wing, stating it wouldn't make any difference in how he felt, “I’m not a danger to anyone but myself, it doesn’t matter.”  
Diego thought he should be admitted but he had no say in the matter, as of the day before, Klaus was legally an adult and could make his own decisions.  
Which brings us to the sad fact that Diego and Klaus spent their 18th birthday in a hospital room. No cake, no balloons, no nothing. So it really wasn’t much different than their normal birthdays. If they’d been home, they’d have gotten waffles for breakfast and a little extra free time. But that's it.  
When Klaus was finally discharged, Diego wouldn't let him go back to the mansion. He figured it would just cause him more pain than was necessary. Instead, he drove Klaus to the small apartment he’d rented a few days prior.  
The apartment was scarcely furnished. There was a bed and a couch and a small table next to the couch but that was it. Diego figured he’d take the couch and let Klaus use the small room, but as he explained his plan in the car, Klaus called dibs on the couch.  
"As long as you let me take hour-long baths I'm good," he’d said while staring out the window at the houses they were passing. Diego saw no real reason to object.  
After Diego dropped his brother off at the apartment and saw that he was okay he ran back to the mansion to grab their stuff. He didn't really want to leave Klaus alone but he didn't have much choice. Hed packed everything he thought they might need but didn't have the time to bring it back with him while also trying to set up the furniture.  
Reginald had tried to prevent him from leaving but had neglected to realize that Klaus was not his only child with experience sneaking out.  
None of the kid’s rooms set alarms off anymore, so it was relatively easy to just sneak out his bedroom window. Ben had disarmed them a few months before he died, saying he was tired of Klaus asking him to hack into the alarm system, so he just shut them all off permanently. 

Diego had to fight his anxiety until he got back to the apartment. Klaus was an adult, and there was nothing Diego could do to stop anything he truly set his mind to. He’d tried. It ended with him getting a broken nose.  
Klaus was almost exactly where Diego had left him. The only difference was he was currently passed out on the couch. And Diego decided to just leave him there, as it was getting relatively late.  
He made himself a quick dinner, and put together a plate for Klaus and put it in the fridge along with a small note stating that the food was for him in case he wakes up later.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few weeks were rough PM both of them. Klaus had to fight off his demons, and Diego had to watch him do it.   
Diego made dinner every night, it was the only thing he believed he could do well that wasn't forced onto him. Klaus usually laid on the couch rambling about anything he could think of while Diego cooked.   
Diego had also begun to put himself through school. He was going to the police academy, as he was finally old enough.  
"Klaus, dinner," Diego mumbled, still thinking.   
He'd been thinking a lot about how they were all raised, and they weren't good thoughts.   
The smell of spaghetti wafted through the air as the table was set. Both boys were thinking to themselves, not really caring too much for the food in front of them.   
Klaus revealed that he'd found a job (of which Diego wasn't too sure about). According to Klaus, it was a "fun new experience", which was never good. But Klaus wouldn't admit what it was he would be doing, nor would he admit where it was he was working.   
It was rare that Klaus decided to be responsible, so while Diego wasn’t sure that it was the best idea, he didn’t object.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone guess what his job is?

**Author's Note:**

> Please follow my tumblr @ theumbrellaacademy420


End file.
